Dreams of new beginnings
by Cafe de Flore
Summary: As if my eyes were fogged with a screen of surrealism, I watched his painfully red blood gushing through my fingers and pouring down his neck, soaking the ground beneath us. I saw his lips moving in the frame of his pale face, and a trickle of blood run down from the corner of his mouth. In the back of my mind I registered his words, but barely. "I'm sorry, Temari."
1. Chapter 1

Author's note:

Hey all,

sorry I've been rather passive with my writing these days, but I just finished university so had a lot of graduation and applying to subsequent studies stuff on my hands. But now I have 2 months vacation, so I'm hoping to become a little more productive!

This is my new story, which will be rather short, but still contain 12 chapters. I tried to create a mood for each chapter with the means of the songs from my prefered music, but it's up to you if you want to listen to it or not.

Hope you enjoy, and please review :)

Love,

-CdF.

* * *

Chapter I

[Trust – Capitol]

I swung the door open and stepped outside from the Hokage's office. Suddenly I felt someone's limb bump into my chest so I took a quick step back.

"Hey watch it, you assh…", I paused in the middle of the word upon seeing who that was, "…hi."

A pair of familiar eyes that looked confused and a little apologetic right now met my stare. Shikamaru smiled sheepishly, brushing the back of his head with his free hand; the other one, which was pressed against my chest a moment ago, was holding a huge pack of papers.

"Sorry. You stepped out so quickly I had no time to back away."

Eyeing him with a curious look, the corner of my lips curved up.

"You became a paper boy."

He rolled his eyes, but did not lose his cool.

"Just like you, Ms. Messenger."

"At least I don't have to sit in an office all day."

"At least I don't have to walk back and forth between villages."

Familiar smirks were exchanged as he finally slipped into Hokage's office and came back to the corridor and towards the doors on the right.

His office was spacious and the windows facing west allowed the warmth of setting sun to fill the place. His desk was laden with documents and he grabbed a pile, rearranging, while I walked over the glass, admiring the view. _I love Konoha in spring_.

"So how is it?"

"How is what?"

"You know what."

He stayed silent for a moment and I did not need to look back to feel him cross his hands over his chest, leaning back in his chair. _Defensive?_

"It's good."

I turned my face and gave him a look, to which he rolled his eyes again. I miss annoying him.

"It's unbelievably troublesome alright!" I could hear a tone of amusement in his voice. "I hate all this paperwork and that is all I do since I was appointed as Hokage's advisor. Well at least I don't have to be here early... And being a head of Nara clan is not an easy task too. It's… if I'd have a stronger word than troublesome, I'd use it." He scoffed at his own monologue of complaints and smiled. "It feels I had to grow up way too fast for my liking and now everyone expects me to be responsible and do everything perfectly." He finished with a sigh.

I couldn't hold back a smile, it curled my lips.

"Don't be so hard on yourself. That's my job."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter II

[Little Dragon – Twice]

"Do you want to see the deer?"

My eyes were on his face instantly, but he seemed emotionless, his intentions remained unknown to me. We were standing at the interception of two streets, where I had to turn left, and he – right. Never before he has offered to visit his clan grounds nor to see Nara's famous "pets".

We both took a right.

Soon we entered a huge territory of Nara family houses and mansions. There was a main house, inhabited by Shikamaru as the clan's head while his mother lived next to him in a smaller house. Their old house reminded her too much of what has happened.

Dark green color dominated the place and even the spring here felt like late autumn. I followed him on narrow stone path. He walked with his head lifted up, eyes pointed towards the sky.

The path led us to the forest, filled with evergreens and some oak trees further that stood with all their might, covered in playful light green buds. Shikamaru stopped abruptly and I almost bumped into his back, when he turned around to hush me. His face was inches away from mine. I noticed a little smile, not the usual he kept giving me. Instead of sarcastic, it was simply happy.

He took my hand and gently pulled me to the side, behind a bush. His fingers felt as if they were charged with electricity that passed through me when he touched my skin, and the feeling lasted even after he let go.

Silently Shikamaru lowered one branch, opening up a view for me to a grassy area amidst the thick forest. There stood two deer.

I watched them in silence and awe, their thin and graceful legs shuffling in the greenery, soft nubs grasping tufts of grass. They seemed so gentle and delicate, little ears pointing up and moving in all directions, big black eyes that seemed to be watching everything. Standing here, in the middle of Nara forest, watching wild animals calmly eating fresh spring grass – it was a perfectly peaceful moment. _I could use more of those._

With the most silent whisper I managed, I asked:

"Why are we hiding? I thought you domesticated them…"

With the same smile on his face, he answered, not taking his eyes away from the animals:

"Look closely."

Some movement upstarted behind one of the deer, and surely, a tiny fawn stepped a few feet away from his parents, inspecting a yellow flower curiously. He slipped his nose between the petals and nibbled at it, suddenly jumping away in surprise as an insect flew out.

I felt Shikamaru's eyes wander on my face, and his lips formed a sly smile. I immediately took a grip of myself, closing my slightly open mouth, narrowing my eyes, putting on my usual hard face. _He shouldn't have seen me so dazed. _He smiled and chuckled, louder than he should have, and in an instant, the animals lifted their heads in unison, jumped and scampered behind the trees, blending into the wilderness.

"Did you have to ruin that?" I snorted in exasperation, but to that, he only smiled.

"I did. Or else you would have stayed here forever."

And he passed by me with a sly smile on his lips, lightly brushing his arm against mine. _That bastard_.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter III

[Shura – Touch]

Shikamaru lazily opened his eyes. With some effort, he pushed the blanket away. The morning sun warmed the room enough for him to be uncomfortably hot under the sheets. His lids closed again and a smile appeared on his lips, it was his day off and he did not plan to step his foot outside his bed until noon.

Suddenly he heard his mother voice, calling him from the yard impatiently, and so his plan was ruined instantly. He laid there for a little while, pretending to be asleep in hopes she will give up. Unfortunately, the next call was loud enough to actually wake him up, so silently grunting he forced himself out of the lovely sheets, found his baggy sweatpants and a T-shirt, and wobbled barefoot on the stone path outside.

There he saw his mother's happy face – that usually was a bad sign – and a smirking sand kunoichi. Another bad sign. Is this day already ruined?

"You have a guest, Shikamaru." Yoshino announced cheerfully, and he absentmindedly ran his hand through his lose hair, frowning. He forgot to tie them up.

"At this hour? Oh come on…"

"Shikamaru! Not only you come outside looking like that, not even bother to say hello but you also manage to complain right in front of your guest? I'm starting to think I failed my job as a mother seeing how you _manage_ to live on you own."

-.-.-

I burst out laughing of her sarcasm-filled lecture and Shikamaru's mood visibly dropped even lower. Rolling his eyes, he turned around and shuffled towards his front door, mumbling "Are you coming or not…" over his shoulder. Yoshino sighed loudly.

"I'm really sorry he's being like this, Temari. He's very difficult to handle."

I gave her a small smile. Personally, I thought he wasn't that difficult. Simply lazy. Very lazy.

"Would you wait a little? I want to take a shower first, I just got out of my bed as you can see."

"Sure. Just make it quick."

His house was huge and very traditional. It had a cozy feeling to it though, a feeling of a family that lived here. Surprisingly, there was no feeling of absence or emptiness here. It was as if the house was simply waiting for the family to come back. I let myself wander around, checking out some family portraits on the walls and herbal books in the bookshelf, eventually finding my way to the kitchen.

I did not really care of what he would think about me making him breakfast in his own house, but I didn't have anything better to do. _Was I feeling sorry for waking him up…? Nah. _

I also decided to spoil myself with a cup of coffee, which, I found, he didn't have.

Sitting on the porch with a teacup in my hands, I heard his steps on wooden floor. I watched amused over my shoulder when he came in with his dripping wet hair and stared dumbfounded at what I placed on the table. I could see the battle between surprise, gratitude and playfulness, the latter won, resulting in mockery.

"Feeling like home already?"

_Already?_

"You have a very unique ability to complain about _everything_."

He sat down next to me with the sandwich in his hand and a little smile on his face; there was a lot of space but he chose to sit close so our shoulders touched, eyeing me curiously while chewing his meal. I stared back, and he stopped eating to lift his hand to my cheek, brushing a lose thread of hair behind my ear. Naturally, I tensed up, but didn't feel the need to back away from his touch; this surprised me more than his little move. His dark eyes darted down to my lips and he kept his gaze there as if contemplating something, sparing me another second to take in what is happening, but next moment he turned away, just as my heart began beating impatiently.

_What stopped you?_

"I have a mission tomorrow."

"Cool. Try not to cry."

"You're unbearable…"

"Thanks."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter IV

[Chelsea Wolfe – Feral love]

As if my eyes were fogged with a screen of surrealism, I watched his painfully red blood gushing through my fingers and pouring down his neck, soaking the ground beneath us. I saw his lips moving in the frame of his pale face, and a trickle of blood run down from the corner of his mouth. In the back of my mind I registered his words, but barely. _I'm sorry, Temari._ I stared at my hands, pressed hard against the side of his neck. They were colored bright red. My legs too, since I was kneeling in a pool of blood. _His blood._

_This is not happening. No. No. No. This cannot be happening. This is not real, it can't be. _

Ino just transferred her mind back from the killer who now laid sealed and I watched her feet simultaneously touching the ground with a silent thud as she ran towards us, screaming. I watched Sakura fall down besides me, her hands already shining with green light of some hemostatic jutsu. I did not need to look to her face to know it's futile. Everything became very silent.

_You can't die. Not here, not now, not like this. _

I could not anymore feel the power in the flow, now it just leaked. His heart stopped beating. His eyes stopped seeing. They pointed up, towards the sky, which was stained with fluffy clouds, his favorite. _This is not happening._

My feet brought me towards the killer, lying on the ground, covered in seals, immobilized. I passed Choji. His eyes were as dead as if he had been lying on the ground in the blood, almost beheaded, not his best friend. I darted my eyes at the brightly shining scythe – freshly forged metal, beautifully decorated with his blood. Same blood slowly run down my legs, tickling my skin. The blood on my palms began to dry up, tingling on my fingers.

_Sorry for what, Shikamaru? _

_You cannot just fucking die. You can't._

A hand landed on my shoulder.

"Temari… It's over. We have to go back."

I looked up. With the killer on his shoulder catching my vision, I couldn't see Kiba's sympathetic eyes, but I felt them nevertheless.

Choji up front, with a body in his hands. Covered in a cloth. Ino and Sakura, joined hands, crying behind them.

I took the scythe, and eyed it without a single thought in my head. One more time I looked at the grass, stained with what was in his veins. The grass he loved to lie down and nap on. _How pathetic is to die of blood loss, you idiot? _

_This cannot be real._


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter V

[AFI – A deep slow panic]

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining all over everybody's black clothes, warming them with gentle rays, highlighting the beauty of the white flowers on his grave.

I stood at the front row among his friends; their looks were heavy, betraying the pain and sadness in their hearts. I stood there, but I wasn't there. I did not know how to be there. I was somewhere else, somewhere I couldn't even find myself.

I looked at the person closest to the grave – his mother. She turned her head and we exchanged a long look. You couldn't see any pain on her face, it was purely emotionless, and her eyes were empty, not a trace of a tear. The eyes I saw in the mirror this morning.

I took one last look at the tombstone under which I knew he laid with a huge wound on the side of his neck, already bloodless pale body. White flowers densely covered the stone, but mine was not among them.

I felt as if my thoughts were paralyzed, and together with them – my legs and arms. They felt so alien when I walked. I didn't really control them. I didn't really control anything.

I closed the door of my apartment and sat on the bed silently. In front of me, resting against the wall, was a weapon that decided his fate. Dried blood still covered its blade and there was a print of my bloody hand on the handle. I laughed together with my empty apartment; one may think I was the culprit.

I kept staring at it until the dark red blood became dark brown, and dark brown became black. The wooden handle lost its bright color and became grey. _Why are the colors leaking?_

_My fingertips are tingling. With the dried blood that's not there anymore._

As the dark was inevitably creeping up, my room slowly filled with growing shadows. I stared at them getting bigger and stronger and I felt his presence in every corner, patiently waiting for it to contort into a human figure that would make me laugh uncontrollably.

But that didn't happen.

Nothing happened.

Nothing moved. Nothing made no sound.

Nothingness became my new companion.

Me and nothingness kept staring at the corners until the dark filled my room completely, hiding the bloody scythe, hiding my empty eyes, crawling in every little space of the room, flowing between my fingers, taking up every inch of skin under my clothes, soaking up my hair, filling everything, filling nothing, but failing to fill me. _I still felt nothing. _

Without turning the lights on, I packed my things. The darkness felt sacred. The bloody scythe was sealed into a scroll as I stepped my foot outside into the night stained by street lamps.

I walked there for the millionth time, rhythmically placing one feet in front of the other, and stared down with amazement as my foot stepped on its shadow every single time.

Bending down to smell the white flowers, that already started wilting, I closed my eyes and saw the blood, oozing from his arteries, staining my hands, my face, coloring these white flowers. It would have painted the sky red, if it wasn't black already.

"Nara Shikamaru. Beloved son and friend" the stone read. Nothingness was sceptic. I was numb.

I passed the village gates and entered the dark night, barely illuminated by some weak stars, taking the road leading to my home. The road was empty. _My head was empty. _It was a little chilly and the wind blew right through my clothes, forcing goose bumps on my skin, and I shivered. _I still felt nothing._

_I still felt nothing._

_Nothing._


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter VI

[Massive Attack – Flat of the blade]

"Hey."

"Temari…"

My brother was not one of those easily surprised, but upon seeing me his eyes widened. Was it my sudden appearance in Suna or my sleep-depraved eyes? I could see he knew what happened. He stood up to meet me, which he never does, but I avoided any unnecessary consolations by speaking up first. And the determination in my voice left Gaara surprised, again.

"I need to see _her_."

My words were followed by a long silence, but finally my brother asked the question to which he knew the answer already. My eyes may have been empty and face – emotionless, but my decision was written all over it.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

Hesitantly, Gaara scribbled something on a piece of paper. Location where _she_ was last seen.

_She_ should have been dead long ago, both because of old age and the things _she_ could do, and did. The only reason _she_ was still here – most of those who tried to find _her_ never came back.

I nodded in gratitude and turned to go, but before closing the door his voice stopped me.

"Get some sleep before you go."


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter VII

[Trentemoller – Miss You]

I felt his hand creeping up to my hair, pulling the hair ties and letting them lose.

"What are you doing, fool!?" I turned around to meet his smiling eyes, and his hand rose to my cheek again, this time staying there a little longer, descending down, and cupping my chin. I felt his arm around my waist, pulling me closer, and the pleasant weakness paralyzed my muscles.

_Don't you dare to stop now_…

However pathetic, I felt weakened by the sudden anticipation as I watched his lips moving closer to mine. I knew I wouldn't be able to lift my hands up and ensure that kiss finally happening – I succumbed to the lazy delight, which made my arms and legs limp. And his lips never touched mine though they were so close, _that bastard_, teasing me as he likes. I opened my eyes to see him gone, and then I ran, at least I tried, but my feet felt buried deep in the ground, I couldn't move a single muscle in my body, but I _needed_ to run. _Fuck!_

I opened my eyes; I was lying in bed.

_When was that, where was that? Why didn't he kiss me?_

My heart still wriggled in more or less romantic excitement, and I _felt_ happy.

_We were so close now, and whatever the reason he didn't proceed, next time I will make sure he will. Or I will. I need to find him and finish what we started. _

My heart kept trembling in my chest, and I laughed at my girly excitement.

And then, as the realization finally hit me, I felt pain.

A deep, stabbing, biting pain in my chest, that depraved me of air and I breathed in with resistance as every movement of my chest increased that sting. My shaking hands crawled up to my chest, but that didn't help. I locked my teeth, trying to prevent myself from screaming, as I finally _felt something_. I felt his absence.

_i was dreaming _

_he is dead and _

_i __was dreaming _

_there was no kiss _

_and _

_he is dead _

_it hurts _

_it hurts _

_it hurts as if I am dying_

I wished I could cry. But I couldn't.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter VIII

[30 Seconds to Mars – Beautiful Lie]

The desert wind blew grains of sand on my feet, between my toes, as I stood staring into the clear blue sky and the sun, blazing the life out of every living thing.

I was so tired. I packed light, but there still was the heaviness in my chest, and that exhausted me, so I stood there, with my eyes in the sky and started thinking this will end me.

_I still felt the pain._

I spent 4 days roaming the desert, freezing up during the night and getting weaker and weaker every day as the sun kept throwing its rays directly onto me.

I looked around one more time, desperately trying to find something, _anything_, in between endless miles of dirty sand. Glancing back the way I came from, I noticed a small house not so far away. _I could swear it wasn't there before… I know it wasn't there. _

_She_ invited me instantly, _she_ did not ask my motives, _she_ looked at me but saw right through me.

I've never been more scared in my life.

Standing in front of the most mystical woman of the country, whose existence is entwined with myths and horror stories, which we all have been told while we were little. I knew what she was capable of, and I knew it was only the tip of the iceberg. _She_ terrified me, and _she_ knew that.

_She_ was tall, white haired, but her face was young; her eyes seemed blind but they probably saw way more than mine ever will. _She_ had many names, but neither would I dare to call her.

"You need the body, the weapon, and the killer. Alive. And this." _She_ spoke with a voice that sounded as if her voice box was full of sand, creaking and sending chills up my spine. But _she_ never even opened her mouth.

_She _grabbed my hand and put a scroll in my palm. The wave of terror engulfed me and I jumped away as if just being hit by a lightning. My insides suddenly felt hot and I couldn't think, my brain became a frantic chaos with no logical thoughts forming, all I knew I was hot but also cold, frightened, in horror, and my eyes wandered around without the ability to register things they saw. I was lost and could not see or hear or feel anything, I lost a track of time and strolled around in indescribable existence for an eternity.

When I started believing I will go insane and gave in, I found myself lying in the sand, my hand clutched a scroll and my face was wet from tears. The hut was gone, the moon was up, it was insanely cold outside.

_I still felt the pain._

But I knew everything that has to be done. _A mere touch…_


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter IX

[AFI – No Resurrection]

_I still felt the pain._

Knocking the guards unconscious was easy. No one expected the prison to be attacked with just one – seemingly unimportant – rogue ninja being held in it.

_I still felt the pain._

Putting the killer in constraints was easy. He wasn't expecting me as well. I left him conscious on purpose. I wanted him to see what was about to happen.

_I was excited._

I dragged him to the cemetery, I could feel he was afraid, and that gave me so much joy. I couldn't stop smiling as the fear in his eyes mirrored my cruelty.

_I was ecstatic._

With anticipation, I chained the killer on top of the gravestone; took out the same bloody scythe.

_I was happy._

I said the words, placed the scroll, formed the signs, and when some red, weird looking ornament appeared on the ground, entwining me, the killer and the grave, I knew he has to die. I did not hesitate not for a second and stared right in his deathly afraid eyes, as I took the scythe into the air and let it fall on his neck, mixing the blood of the victim and the killer. I saw his head roll down and fall to the ground, the horror forever glued to those eyes, and I smiled triumphantly to them right before I felt my conscious seeping away. _Am I dreaming again?_


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter X

[Radiohead – Paranoid Android]

Shikamaru opened his eyes slowly, they hurt like hell. His whole body hurt like hell, and he was laying on something very hard. Like a stone. It was pitch-black dark, smelled of mould and was insanely cold. Trying to remember where he might be, Shikamaru extended his hand to the side and realized, shockingly, that he is in some kind of sealed box. That was made of stone.

Then he remember Temari blocking the view of the sky, and the wound on his neck, which was gone, leaving only a sensitive scar, his hands assured.

It was too big of a nonsense to be true, that he could have been buried alive, but how else can you explain this? Gathering all of his strength, he tried to move the stone above him; it moved a centimeter, allowing a gulp of fresh air into the grave, and some liquid dripped on his face. Some liquid, that smelled like… blood.

Little by little, he moved the tombstone, finally enough for him to wriggle out of his – fucking unbelievable, right? – grave. First thing he noticed was the moon, shining insanely brightly over the cemetery. His eyes widened as he noticed a Second thing – a head. Then, Third thing – a scythe. His eyes followed down the handle of the weapon to find a hand attached to it. A hand, which belonged to a girl, lying unconscious on the ground.

Without really believing what he just saw, Shikamaru leaped out of the grave towards Temari, placing his fingertips on her chest and neck to check for a pulse. Her heart was beating steadily, calmly, and she seemed to be sleeping. Her face looked tired, but one glance was enough to notice the smirk on her lips.

"What the fuck have you done, Temari?" He whispered, lifting her up. Her hand still clung to the bloody weapon and Shikamaru sighed in exasperation, dragging it along with her away from the blood pool by his grave.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter XI

[Coldplay – The Scientist]

"What if I told you that he is alive?" I looked up right into Yoshino eyes, who just answered the door in the middle of the night, looking as angry as I would look if woken up. Her anger faded as she stared down to me, my tired face, messed up hair, bloody hands. Our gazes locked for a long moment, my eyes looked up into her brown ones, we both were trying to read one another, and it seems, successfully.

"Where is he?" was the only thing she said in a whisper after a long pause.

I couldn't hold back a smile. I glanced back over my shoulder, where Shikamaru appeared behind the fence.

Yoshino covered her face to muffle the shouts of joy mixed with sobbing, but the tears in her eyes did not prevent her flying across the yard to pull her son in embrace.

_This was real._


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter XII

[Wolf Alice – Blush]

"Gaara told me what you did to… To get me alive again." I heard his voice behind my back, as I was leaning against the railing of the bridge.

"Oh." It seems my brother had to go all the way of writing to Shikamaru personally, knowing I wouldn't tell him. "Did you come to ask why did I do it?" I crossed my hands on my chest. Answering that question meant confessing something I was not willing to confess, at least not yet; and that meant feeling humiliated.

"No, but you can tell me since you started with that."

"The hell I will."

"I figured as much".

He walked over by me and sat on the railing, curiously looking in my face. Before looking back, I made sure not to give away any emotion. He smirked. There was a flashy red scar on his neck, and I couldn't stop staring at it; it will always remind me what happened and what _almost_ happened.

"I know the answer anyway." His voice woke me up from my daydreaming, and that voice was sly.

"Oh really?" I raised an eyebrow at his cockiness. "And what is it?"

He shifted closer and leaned towards me, leaving a very symbolic distance between our faces. "Well, if I died, you'd have no one to tease."

His hand rose up to my cheek for _the third_ time, but I managed to remain myself. "You're probably in regret that I brought you back then?"

I felt his hand sneaking around my waist, pulling my body closer to his; all too familiar weakness crept up over me again as I stared into his eyes. This time I was certain this was not a dream, and I knew I will not allow him to disappear, not this time.

"No." And he finally closed the distance between our lips, engaging in a long awaited kiss, pulling me deep into it, making my legs weak, and confirming:

_This is real._

* * *

Oh you guys, did you really think I'd kill Shikamaru? I'm a sucker for happy endings :}

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did :)

Love,

CdF


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